He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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