Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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