whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility