Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
