I hate your face
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize