I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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