just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage