Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
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Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.