I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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