Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.