Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize