The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Me too!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
