okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
