I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
