Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
