I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
