so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
