I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
