told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Drake has all the answers
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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