You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
