Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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