Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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