I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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