I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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