i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
