it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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