I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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