I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
