I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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