Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
