This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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