Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
