At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
