I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I looked at my own cervix.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
please don't ironically join a cult
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