Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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