Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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