So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
