It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
