I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
