Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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