I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
