My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
