so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
