Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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