Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
