im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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