whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
