Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
