Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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