Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
