grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
