I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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