I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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