so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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