Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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