1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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