My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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