i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
nutella sex= disaster
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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