Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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