Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
