I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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