NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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