so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
