Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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