Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
