i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I could make wine with my vomit
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
