how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
