hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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