The brown eye won't let me do that either.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
