New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize