I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
