I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
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I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
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On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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