He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
