And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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