I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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