I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was like eating out sand paper
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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