I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize