It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
