Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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