how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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