I think my vagina is haunted
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
