you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
