what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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