i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
