ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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