I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
