I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
