Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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