I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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