you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize