I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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