i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
