The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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