1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
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He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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