Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
