I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
