If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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