just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
